


Thawing

by MayWeStayLost



Category: Frozen (2013), Rise of the Guardians (2012)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, College AU, Drinking, Drugs, Eating Disorders, F/M, Mental Health Issues, Multi, Work In Progress
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-11-17
Updated: 2015-09-01
Packaged: 2018-02-25 17:01:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,480
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2629439
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MayWeStayLost/pseuds/MayWeStayLost
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jelsa college AU.  As Elsa struggles through years' worth of eating issues, her new classmate Jack provides a great friend and possibly even a romantic interest.  Jack has problems of his own, though: his friend-with-benefits, Hannah, has become addictive, as has her steady supply of alcohol and party drugs.  Entering each other's lives could be disastrous--or life-saving.<br/>Work in progress; I plan to add a chapter a month.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

 

 _This is a great way to start the day,_ Elsa thought to herself as she trudged up the stairs her school’s art building. On the first day at her new university, just about everything that could possibly go wrong had become a disaster. She’d slept through her alarm and through the first half of her calculus class, had to search her entire apartment to find where her cat had brought her keys, gotten stuck in traffic, had trouble starting her car, and found that when she reached campus, there was nearly no parking left. The one thing she did have in her favor was that she had mapped out her classes in advance, and quickly found the building for her second class of the day. Surely now that she had made it on-time to this class, her luck would turn around for the better.

Just as she reached the top of the stairs, a large gust of wind knocked over the person behind her, causing them to knock into Elsa’s back and causing her hands and knees to crash painfully to the stone stairs. Elsa could smell coffee as it spilled on her back, seeping into her sweater. Elsa’s book bag fell to the floor, scattering textbooks and notebooks everywhere. The young woman who’d knocked into Elsa groaned, muttering a half-hearted sorry and hurrying off to her destination. Elsa felt tears of frustration burning her eyes as the wind blew two loose sheets of notebook paper away. Many of her books lay open, the pages flapping furiously in the wind. She began recollecting her books, shoving them unceremoniously back into her grey backpack.

“Whoa, hey there,” an unfamiliar voice greeted her. A thin, pale young man knelt down in front of her, helping her gather the remaining books from the ground. “Are you alright? I can’t believe she didn’t stop to help you.” He looked her in the eye as he handed her the last few textbooks. When she didn’t respond, he said, “Rough morning, huh?” She nodded speechlessly, feeling her face flush. He stood, offering her a hand up. She took it, finding that when she stood, the top of her head still only reached his chin.

“Thank you,” she stammered finally. Elsa suddenly became painfully aware that as she stood talking to this beautiful stranger, most the back of her sweater was soaked in mocha, as well as patches of her right sleeve. The lilac color of her sweater hadn’t taken resisted the stains as she had hoped it would, and she was certain that this was not the best way to make a good first impression.

“My name’s Jack, by the way,” he said, holding out his hand. She shook it, mesmerized by the gorgeous, icy blue color of his irises.

“Elsa,” she responded hazily. “My name’s Elsa. Elsa Arendelle.” She felt foolish repeating herself so many times, but she’d never met anyone this beautiful at her other college. She found herself a bit dumbfounded, watching his face as he inspected the stain spreading over her sweater. She shivered, feeling as if the liquid had penetrated her skin and begun seeping into her bones. The freezing January wind magnified the chill.

“Here,” he said, removing his navy blue sweatshirt and wrapping it around her shoulders. “You need this more than I do.” Elsa made a small attempt to resist, but Jack insisted. As skeptical as she’d been at first, she couldn’t deny that it helped her maintain the heat, and it even covered the stain. “What room are you headed for?”

“Smith 2104,” she responded, forcing herself to make eye contact. He’d been kind enough to help her; the least she could do was to be polite. “And you?”

“The same one, oddly enough. Mind if I walk you there?”

Elsa shook her head and began walking alongside him. She noticed that he had slowed his pace to match hers, despite the fact that her walking speed must seem to be in slow motion to him. _Polite,_ she thought, smiling a little. _Maybe we should get to know each other._ Elsa realized that her silence could have been interpreted as hostility, so she broke the silence. “So you’re an art major, too?” she asked.

“Well, I’m trying to be,” he replied, chuckling. “I’m not so sure about my skills, but art is something I enjoy. And they say it’s best to follow your passion, so here I am.”

Elsa nodded, embarrassed at her lack of eloquence. She was trying her best to contribute to the conversation, but her stomach growled furiously and her mind felt hazy. The entire way to the classroom, she attempted to form longer responses. Elsa really liked Jack so far; he seemed considerate, kind, and funny. She only wished she were making a better impression on him.

When they reached the classroom, Elsa found that walking up the classroom’s steps proved a formidable feat. She had found recently that she grew dizzier as the day wore on, and today was no exception. Elsa gripped the handrail tightly and smiled, nodding along to Jack’s story as the black spots swam through her vision. _Deep breaths,_ she told herself. _You can do this. Deep breaths._

After what seemed like forever to Elsa, they reached the middle of the classroom and took two adjacent seats. The auditorium rang with the din of thirty conversations happening at once. Elsa continued listening as Jack told her all his favorite things about college. She liked the animated way in which he talked, gesturing wildly with his hands and making excited facial expressions as he told stories. Evidently, he had spent his first year of college partying and failing his classes, before buckling down and devoting himself more to studying. His activities now included volunteering at an animal shelter and lots and lots of art. This excited Elsa; animals were something she could talk about. It turned out that the two had slightly different taste in animals. Cats were Elsa’s favorite pet, while Jack preferred rabbits.

Just as Elsa began to warm up to the conversation, the professor walked in and began her introductions. The focus then shifted to the overture of the class. It seemed at first as though drawing theory would be a rather simple class, but as the professor elaborated on the many different aspects of the course, Elsa began to feel like the class would be quite complex. Over the next hour and a half, she took three pages—front and back—of detailed notes on everything the professor said. At the end of the class, she looked over at Jack’s notebook and saw that he had taken less than a page’s worth of notes.

“How are you going to remember everything?” she asked him in awe as she packed her supplies back into her book bag. “Are you sure that’s enough notes?”

“It’s never failed me before,” he responded, giving her a crooked grin. He chucked his notebook and pen casually into his backpack and slung the bag over his shoulder. Jack stood, looking expectantly at Elsa as she sat in her chair.

 _Keep it together,_ she reminded herself. _Take it slow. You can do this._ She gripped the armrest of the chair and pushed herself slowly to a standing position, trying to make the motions look deliberate rather than cautious. Her legs trembled, but she forced herself to push through and walk towards the exit of the class, chatting still with her new acquaintance. He stopped and finished his current story right outside the classroom, leaning on the building’s stone wall as he spoke.

“Well, I’m off to my next class; it starts in like five minutes next door. Hey, do you think before next time we can meet up and review the notes over coffee?” He ruffled his hair absent-mindedly as he asked her, a small blush creeping over his cheekbones.

 _God, he’s so cute,_ she thought in a haze. It took her a moment to remember how to articulate her thoughts into words. “Definitely,” she stammered. “I can’t wait.”

“Great, see you at ten on Wednesday then.” He smiled even more widely at her and clasped her shoulder with one big, warm hand, before walking briskly to the building next door. With a sigh, Elsa hitched her messenger bag higher on her shoulder and braced herself for the walk to her next class.

● ● ●

Elsa sat curled up on the sofa with her cat, Luna, in her lap. In one hand, she held a half-empty mug of black coffee, and the other kept a thick textbook balanced on the arm of the couch. As she reached the end of her chapter, her stomach whined and groaned softly. She glanced glumly at the kitchen, taking a mental inventory of its contents and considering her options. A glass container in the fridge held some leftover green beans, steamed, with salt but no butter. There was a half of an apple, a package of carrots, three boiled eggs, and lettuce, too. In the pantry sat a package of rice cakes, a box of granola, and some raisins. None of it seemed appetizing, and she didn’t need it. Not really.

Rather than choosing something to eat, Elsa refilled her mug to the brim with black coffee and turned on the news to get her mind off the gnawing emptiness in her abdomen. The horrors of the recent events brought a heavy black cloud over Elsa’s mood, and she decided to go work out at her apartment’s gym instead. After layering herself in workout clothes, she made the journey to the gym and put in four hours on the treadmill, stair-stepper, and stationary bicycle.

Trudging back to the stairs of her apartment, Elsa ignored the burning feeling in her muscles. Just inside her door, the lightheadedness took over and she felt her knees buckle. _Not now,_ she told herself. _Don’t be weak._ She braced herself on the wall and waited for the room to stop spinning. _Deep breaths. Don’t feel it._ Elsa stood, going to the fridge and pulling out a cucumber and a boiled egg.

 _Disgusting,_ she thought, choking down both the egg and the cucumber and downing a glass of ice water to chase them. Elsa cleaned up her dishes, loading them into the dishwasher and starting the machine. Next she fed Luna, before headed back to her bathroom to take a hot bath.

As the steaming water filled the tub, Elsa inspected herself in the mirror. Running her hands over her body, she noted the different curves and dips. She stopped to pinch the areas with which she felt dissatisfied, gauging how much work would be needed to get rid of it. Her body was a disappointment in her eyes. Her hair had grown dull, and her nails were weak under the pale blue polish. Her hands and feet maintained the same frigid temperature all day long; she couldn’t seem to get them to warm up no matter what she did. She’d gotten used to never being warm after over a year’s worth of practice, but that didn’t make it pleasant.

She pushed the bathroom door most of the way shut, leaving a strip of light coming in from the hallway. Elsa then turned off the bathroom light, climbing in the tub and washing herself without looking at her body. The scalding water made her numb at first, but slowly warmed her to a lukewarm feeling. When Elsa climbed out of the bath, she dried herself with a fuzzy towel and dressed herself in soft pajama pants and a long-sleeved shirt. She climbed into bed and curled her already-sleeping cat.

She dreamt of lost souls and drowning under dark ice and being betrayed. She dreamt of lazy afternoons and friendship and a perfect, tiny body. She dreamt of standing in a blizzard, wind and snow swirling around her. She dreamt of not being alone.

● ● ●

Jack fidgeted while he tried to focus on his communications class. He stopped paying attention around the time when the professor came to the topic of modern consonant pronunciation. There was too much on his mind—he couldn’t seem to focus on much of anything, except his new classmate Elsa, and the familiar feeling of dread related to seeing Hannah later. Nearly everything about her made him feel hollow and unfulfilled.

Hannah and Jack had grown up in two neighboring towns, sharing friends-of-friends-of-friends their whole lives, but never meeting until they wound up in the same college town. She had dropped out after her first semester, deciding she would live on her trust fund while she found someone to marry or until her family gave in and started paying for her expenses again. She had then spent the rest of the year trying everything she came across.

Jack had spent his first year of college depressed and alone. His one friend had been his roommate Tiffany, who went to the dental hygiene school next door to Jack’s university. This most recent Halloween, Tiffany had taken pity on Jack in his loneliness and invited him to a costume party with her. Within half an hour of their arrival at the party, Tiffany and her sexy nurse costume had disappeared into a bedroom with her most recent fling.

Waiting for Tiffany to reemerge, Jack had sat alone on the couch, nursing his third screwdriver and watching the partygoers get drunker and higher. He had loved the warming sensation the vodka caused in his chest as it went down, and the more he had drunk, the less he had minded the marks his skull makeup left on the brim of his cup. By the time a tipsy Hannah had shown up and made her introductions, Jack had been lonely and drunk enough to spend the night with her.

It had all gone downhill from there, but Jack hadn’t worked up the nerve to break up with her. Hannah could be very convincing sometimes, and she always had a steady supply of parties to attend and high-quality alcohol to drink. Once Jack’s drunken daze kicked in, he could almost ignore what a bad person Hannah usually was. Jack wasn’t sure if she was worth the trouble anymore—the hangover left in her wake found Jack more strung out and depressed than the aftereffects of ecstasy.

Elsa, on the other hand, seemed to be an entirely different breed. She seemed classy, reserved, and respectful. There was something else Jack couldn’t pick up, a distance in her eyes that couldn’t be breached. He was intrigued though, and anticipation for their coffee date tomorrow built within his mind.

The professor dismissed the class and Jack drifted dreamily out of the classroom, carried along by the sea of students. He’d figure something out, surely.

● ● ●

“What an awful shirt,” Hannah slurred when Jack entered her apartment. “I thought you got rid of that one.” Hannah sat draped across an armchair in her living room, a glass full of some blue mixed drink in her hand. Her dark red hair rested in a neat bun on the back of her head, a green sweater and black leggings covering her body. Fur-topped, flat-soled suede boots garnished her feet. The ensemble was the typical sorority girl look, but it didn’t look terribly out of place considering it was on someone who hadn’t attended a college class in over two years.

“No, Hannah, it’s my favorite, remember?” Jack took off his jacket, revealing more of the plaid flannel that Hannah so despised. “Whatcha got there?”

“Hpnotiq, tequila, and blue raspberry soda,” she told him, counting the ingredients on her fingers. “Help yourself,” she added, throwing a casual hand towards the kitchen. She seemed captivated by the television, where a group of women gossiped and drank in a pool. Jack poured his drink haphazardly, adding at least two shots of tequila and filling most of the rest of the glass with the Hpnotiq. Soda was the least-needed ingredient, in his opinion. He just needed something to draw his attention away from Hannah’s poor attitude.

As Jack sat down in the living room, Hannah changed the channel to a show about pregnant teenagers. Surely the alcohol should help to numb the stupidity of the show, Jack mused. He was proven wrong. The program seemed to revolve solely around the fact that the teenagers were pregnant. Even after two cups full of the mixed drink, Jack found himself bored out of his mind.

“Can we do something fun instead?” he asked Hannah. He hated just sitting and watching mindless television.

“Fun? Yeah, we can definitely do something fun.” She put her glass down on the end table, climbing onto the couch with Jack. She straddled him, placing sloppy, drunk kisses on his lips, jaw, neck, and then collarbone. As drunk as she was, she expertly undid the buttons of his flannel and removed both it and Jack’s t-shirt. The damp touch of her lips on Jack’s chest and stomach caused goose-bumps on his skin and fluttering in his chest.

“I’m not sure if…” Jack’s voice trailed off as Hannah undid the fastenings on his pants and started what she was best at. Maybe they could make this work a little bit longer.

● ● ●

Elsa woke up on Wednesday morning with a hollow, gnawing hunger in the hollow of her ribcage. She climbed out of bed and into the bathroom, stripping before she stepped on the scale. A pound and a half down from yesterday; she was really making progress. Still triple digits, still within what was technically considered her healthy weight range. Barely.

In the medical community, there were strange requirements for what brand of sick patients were. Mental disorders weren’t originally intended to include weight criteria, but nowadays you had to have some way to determine who was really in trouble and who was just trying the latest fad diet. Elsa wasn’t sick, though. She needed to lose the weight; she could see the extra pounds resting around her hips, arms, thighs, and buttocks. Resigned, Elsa considered what she may have to do to get the rest of the weight off. As if college weren’t hard enough without needing to lose so much weight, too. She wished she had something to take her mind of the constant struggle.

When Elsa remembered her upcoming coffee-study-date with Jack, she felt hopeful. Maybe today would be good after all. She dressed in layers, making sure to wear a nice sweater and a clean pair of tights under her skirt. Her usual amount of makeup was all she ever wore, but today she took extra care in its application. Before Elsa left her apartment, she peeled the skin off a Clementine orange and ate five of the ten segments inside.

She felt as if she were floating on a cloud on the way to campus. She couldn’t tell if it was the high of losing weight or the anticipation of seeing Jack that made her feel this way, but she liked the sensation. By the time she arrived to her first class, she couldn’t remember half of the drive there, much less her walk from her car. She’d have to figure out where she’d parked after class, but it didn’t matter. Jack was waiting for her after her first class.

The first class seemed to take forever; the anticipation was driving her insane. She took as many notes as she could, but Elsa found herself distracted throughout the whole class. As soon as the students were dismissed from the session, Elsa walked as briskly as she could to the on-campus coffee shop. She felt elated as she went through the doors and immediately saw Jack, waiting for her at a table in the middle of the café.

As soon as he noticed Elsa, Jack’s face transformed into a grin. Elsa’s first thought was how tired he looked, and how well he pulled off the rugged look. Elsa joined him at the table, setting down her book bag and pulling out her notebook.

“Good morning, Elsa,” he said, still smiling. “You look well-rested.”

“Morning,” she responded. “I wish I could say the same for you. Rough night?”

“You have no idea.” Jack looked into his coffee as he stirred it, breaking eye contact. “Hey, I was going to get you a coffee, but I didn’t know what kind you like. Any requests?”

Elsa felt slightly horrified at the thought of most of the drinks on the menu. No one orders black coffee at a coffee shop, but for every small mocha or macchiato, the calorie content sat somewhere around two to three hundred and the fat content was absolutely insane. There was no way Elsa was going to go there.

“Caffé Americano, small” she said, faking confidence. Ten calories wouldn’t hurt her; she’d only had twenty so far for the day.

“All right, let me get that for you.” Jack ordered at the cash register, his back turned to her. When he returned, he had her coffee in one hand and a paper bag in the other. He sat down, putting a portion of coffee cake in front of Elsa and a cinnamon roll in front of himself. “I’m not sure if you’ve had breakfast, but I figured you probably like the pastries here as well as I do.”

“Thanks, but I’m not hungry.” Elsa sipped her coffee, trying desperately not to smell the sweet aroma drifting off the warm coffee cake. She didn’t want it. She didn’t need it. But God, did it smell good. Jack shrugged, pulling the coffee cake over to join his already-half-eaten cinnamon roll. He must have one hell of a metabolism, Elsa thought as she watched him demolish both pastries.

Instead of paying attention to the food, she flipped open her notebook and started reading off some major points to Jack. On every topic, he had something to add to her notes. Elsa couldn’t believe how much he remembered; he hadn’t even filled a whole notebook page with notes, yet he had absorbed perhaps more concepts than she had. By the end of the study session, she was absolutely amazed by his comprehension, as well as how confident she felt in her understanding.

“We should definitely do this at least once a week,” Jack told her as they walked to class. “I feel like I understand the ideas better if I go over them with someone.” Elsa nodded, willing herself to be strong enough to get to class without any problems. Everything went without a hitch, and she felt as if she could do anything.

Class was a bit more eventful than it had been for the first session. They learned the basics of focal points and center of attention. Again, Elsa found that her notes took up multiple pages, while Jack filled just a single page. Something else she noticed was Jack’s sense of personal space; he didn’t seem to mind bumping into or casually touching someone he knew. Several times during the class period, Elsa found that Jack’s leg rested solidly against her knee. She wondered if he noticed or cared, but she was surprised by how reassuring and comfortable it felt.

Towards the end of the class, Jack stopped taking notes and tore the last few lines out of his notebook, passing it to Elsa. Jack Overland, it said, followed by a phone number and the words "Text me sometime." On her own page, Elsa scrawled her own name and phone number, passing it back to him. Her heart felt as if it were trying to escape her chest. Jack grinned his usual mischievous grin as he read the slip of paper she had handed him.

As they left the class, Jack casually clasped her shoulder before they parted, just as he had the day before. Elsa wondered how she could already be getting so comfortable with someone she had just met.

● ● ●

At home that night, Elsa sat with her cell phone in her hand, considering whether to text Jack. She didn’t want to seem too eager; she hated to be the one putting her emotions on the line. But she kind of liked him so far. She really didn’t need to be starting any new friendships at the moment; people tended to get too involved in her decisions and try to control her. But he was so nice and laid-back. She really didn’t have time for a social life around work and school. But he was so attractive.

Eventually, Elsa decided not to text him. She didn’t feel it was right to bring someone else into her life when she didn’t entirely have herself together. After an internal debate on what to eat for dinner, she decided to go work out instead.

A tough two hours burned along with Elsa’s muscles. She needed this. She didn’t deserve dinner; she deserved to feel better about herself by losing weight. Ten more pounds would be plenty, she was certain. Another hour would do her good, but she was so tired.

As Elsa gave herself a mental pep-talk for her next hour of exercise, her phone buzzed once in the cup holder of the treadmill. A text message from Jack popped up on the screen. Still awake? it read. Having trouble sleeping. She kept walking at a brisk pace, considering answering him. She turned the machine off, picking her phone up and typing a response.

Her final decision was not to text him back tonight. She put her effort back into her night’s exercise.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Jack considers the wisdom of his current situation, Elsa finds herself kept awake at night by nightmares, and things begin to be a little complicated.

_Elsa stood in the center of the lake, gazing up at the full moon. Her breath bloomed into transparent clouds in front of her lips, dispersing like smoke in the frigid air. Startled by a sudden crunch in the woods behind her, she began to walk briskly towards the far shore. Branches snapped and footsteps thudded closer. Elsa stole a glance over her shoulder, glimpsing a dark figure not far behind. She broke into a run, hoping desperately for the ice to hold. Regardless, the surface beneath her began to creak and moan with each step. Her pulse pounded out of control._

_Not thirty feet from the edge of the lake, she heard deep cracks forming with every step. Elsa quickened her pace to a sprint, only to feel her heart skip a beat as she was swallowed alive into the cold depths. Swept by the current, she struggled to orient herself. Air escaped her lungs quickly under the pressure of the water, but she couldn’t see the bubbles rising to the surface. Her ribs and cheekbone collided with the ice, knocking the rest of the oxygen from her chest. She clawed desperately at the frozen surface above her as she was consumed by the dark water._

Elsa awoke, trembling and terrified. She called out—to her parents, her sister Anna, anyone—but of course, her apartment was empty. Her breath came in ragged gasps and her body continued to shake. _Calm down,_ she told herself, attempting to slow her breathing. She spread another blanket over her cold body, then took in her surroundings to remind herself that she was safe. Her sparsely decorated room was the same as always, safe and comforting. The alarm on the table beside her brightly announced that it was 1:17 AM; she’d only slept two hours.

Even once Elsa warmed up, her frame continued to shake. _Not the cold, then,_ she mused. Her cat Luna joined her on the bed, her massive white shape standing out in the dim light shed by the alarm clock. She curled into the negative space left by the curve of Elsa’s body, purring and rubbing a cheek on her caretaker’s chest. Luna always seemed to know when something was wrong.

Half an hour passed and the shaking finally stopped. The gnawing anxiety, however, remained. Luna had fallen asleep and grunted irritably with every movement that Elsa made. The solitude ate at Elsa’s mind and heightened her fears of being alone in the universe. It had been two nights since she decided to ignore Jack’s texts, and she hadn’t seen him since. She was certain that it wasn’t acceptable to ask for this kind of help from someone she’d met just a few weeks ago, but with Anna at a different school across the state, she didn’t really have anyone else.

As if moving of its own accord, her hand reached to her bedside table and found her phone. Her clumsy, tired fingers typed out a brief message: _You awake? Really could use some company._

His response came quickly. _Awake but not sober. Still want company?_

_Yes._ Her heartbeat quickened as she typed.

_Should I call or come over?_

_Come over?_ Elsa paused a moment, her finger hovering over the “send” button. She closed her eyes and pressed it, her heart continuing to pound as she awaited a response.

_Sure, gimme an address and I’m there._

● ● ●

Jack had endured the night so far, but by no means had he enjoyed it. Hannah’s weekly Friday night party had been raging for hours, and people of all levels of intoxication were strewn about the apartment. One girl was bent over the balcony railing, a waterfall of vomit flowing from her mouth into the bushes below. A guy lay on the rug, dreamily rambling about how soft it felt, while his girlfriend made out with at least four different drunk party-goers and told them all how much she loved them. Considering they’d been talking about Molly earlier, Jack wasn’t terribly surprised by this couple’s behavior. Sounds of enjoyment had emerged from one of the bedrooms for the last three hours, lines of cocaine abandoned on the table as three partygoers pursued more physical pleasure. As for the rest of the group, everyone found themselves drunk, high, or both. All of them were obnoxious or asleep.

Hannah lay slumped over the arm of the couch, a small puddle of drool spreading under her mouth. Soft snores steadily emerged from her parted lips. Of the dozens of empty bottles and plastic cups piled on the floor and coffee table in front of them, Jack had seen at least ten emptied into Hannah’s throat. Her belt was unbuckled to allow room for her tequila-filled belly, and her hair contained a little paper cocktail umbrella. As messy as she looked, she was still beautiful.

But Jack had never felt less attracted to her. Hannah, the universally magnetic, Hannah, the rich, Hannah, the party-thrower—Hannah, his fuckbuddy, had finally become completely and utterly unappealing to him. All the alcohol and weed she provided didn’t improve the cheapness of her attention. As Jack observed the state of his environment, he pondered the situation. He had spent the evening avoiding everything but the joints passed around his side of the room, and as high as he was, he wondered how anyone who had been indulging in other substances too could possibly still be awake.

Around one, Jack felt a crushing sadness in his chest. Spending time with this group made him feel more alone than he ever seemed to feel by himself. He’d been trying for months now to find a way to leave Hannah and exit this tiring lifestyle, but it terrified him to think of the trouble she could get into without him.

The guy on the couch next to Jack waved a blunt at him, breaking Jack away from his thoughts. Jack grabbed the roach and drew a mouthful of smoke, then parted his lips and inhaled the cloud from his mouth into his nostrils. As he passed the blunt along, he felt his phone buzz. He just about dropped the phone when he noticed who had texted him. Jack felt his mouth widen into a grin as he texted back that he was awake and would definitely be willing to keep her company. He hadn’t been this excited about anyone since long before he’d met Hannah. After a few moments of correspondence with Elsa, he got a message that made his heart race.

_Come over?_ It read. He could almost hear the tone of her voice as he read the message. Right away he knew he’d love to see her, regardless of the circumstance. But what about Hannah?

He turned to look at her slumped, snoring form next to him, weighing his options. He almost felt guilty for considering leaving her alone, but she was in her own home with her own friends. Jack dismissed the hint of guilt and asked for Elsa’s address.

● ● ●

Scarcely fifteen minutes had passed from the time Elsa had asked Jack to come over until she heard a polite knock on her apartment door. Elsa set her mug of tea on the end table and rose to her feet, walking gingerly to answer the door.

Jack stood at the apartment’s threshold, squinting under the harsh fluorescent hall light. The pallor of his complexion and hair seemed to glow in this lighting, contrasting sharply from the dark brown of his open winter coat. His hands rested in his coat pockets, while one foot bashfully scuffed the abhorrent maroon carpet below him. He perked up as soon as Elsa opened the door, instantly ready to help.

“Hey, you okay?” he asked, taking in her puffy eyes and nervous posture. “What’s wrong?”

Elsa didn’t respond, but opened the door wider, gesturing for him to enter. As he passed through the doorway, Jack moved slowly, but every bit as fluidly. Elsa caught a whiff of an earthy, skunk-like aroma as he drew closer.

Once inside, Jack continued to study Elsa. “Seriously, what’s wrong?” he persisted.

“Just very lonely,” she responded quietly. “I can’t sleep.”

“Sleep is overrated,” he joked, cracking a smile. “You seem real shaken up though. You sure you don’t want to talk about it?” Elsa nodded decisively. “Okay, then.” Elsa returned to her spot on the couch and watched as Jack shed his outerwear and helped himself to the spot next to her.

“Wait,” Jack continued. “If you’re not feeling good, why do you have this depressing crap on?” He threw a hand towards the TV set, where the news played on mute. Elsa shrugged, passing him the remote. Jack flipped through the channels until he found a nature special, then turned the volume on low.

“You don’t have to talk about it,” he reassured Elsa. “I think it would be good for you, but I can’t force you.”

“It’s just…” she stammered. “…It’s just a lot of things.” Her fingers wandered to her thighs, pinching fat and skin as she spoke. “I get so overwhelmed and I keep having these dreams and…” her voice trembled slightly, trailing off. She couldn’t decide how to describe the rapid succession of horrifying thoughts in her head. This must be something like insanity.

“It’s okay,” Jack reassured her, resting a large, warm hand on her shoulder. In his expression, Elsa could see raw compassion, much more obvious than with anyone she’d spoken to before. The pale pink hue of the whites of his eyes gave away what he’d been doing before his arrival, but that didn’t diminish the sincerity of his understanding. “Why don’t you relax and I’ll tell you a story.” He felt the mug on the table, and finding that it was still warm, placed it in Elsa’s hands.

Elsa leaned back into the cushion of the couch, savoring the heat from the warm tea in her hands as she paid attention to every word of Jack’s story. He spoke of beautiful places and tiring journeys and interesting folks. The story took them through forests and into cities, through bad times and great. Jack swore it was all part of his past, but Elsa doubted someone so close to her age had been through so much.

Over the course of the next hour, Jack’s comforting voice carried Elsa from her anxiety and made her eyelids grow heavy. For the first time in months, she drifted slowly into a dreamless sleep.

● ● ●

The warmth of sunlight spilling through the blinds woke Jack from his rest. Although conscious, he kept his eyes closed for a few moments, reveling in the contentment filling him. Rarely did he feel anything resembling happiness when he woke up.

What came to his attention next was the slow, rhythmic movement of ribs against his side, and the gentle weight of someone’s head on his chest. This struck him as odd, considering Hannah usually drank until she passed out far away from him.

He opened his eyes to find an entirely unfamiliar scene—a neat, cozy apartment surrounded him, and rather than Hannah’s head of red hair, he found himself staring at a sea of platinum blond waves. A fat, fluffy white cat lay in a bunch, snoozing on top of the sofa’s headrest. Across the room, the DVD player showed that it was 8:35 AM.

As guilty as Jack should probably have felt, he couldn’t help but relax. It was a weekend, so he wasn’t missing any classes or work. His pets had more than enough food to last them through the morning. Hannah, on the other hand, would be furious. Jack glanced at his dead phone on the chair next to them, dreading the missed calls and texts. Sure, they weren’t officially in a relationship, but Hannah’s territorial tendencies made it difficult to do anything that didn’t involve her.

Inhaling a deep, lazy breath, Elsa stirred. She lifted her head and blinked drowsily at Jack, a soft expression of disorientation on her face. Seeming to snap to the realization of what had happened, Elsa jerked upright in her seat, her face resuming its usual reserved appearance.

“I—um, I’m—I’m so sorry,” she stammered, a vivid pink creeping over her face. “Could—could you give me a minute? Please?” She stood quickly, wobbling for a moment before marching briskly to the bedroom and shutting the door tight behind her.

Jack ran his hands through his hair while he decided what his next move should be. If he went back to Hannah’s, he was in for a lot of trouble. His apartment would be safer, at least for now. But he didn’t want to leave without saying goodbye to Elsa.

After a few moments of indecision, Jack found his way to the restroom in the hall and cleaned himself up. He had to stay at least long enough to ease any of Elsa’s worries about the night before.

● ● ●

Elsa’s mind and heart raced, a deep blush continuing to warm her cheeks. She had only wanted company until she calmed down; never did she think she’d fall asleep on her new friend. Taking a few moments to collect herself, she prepared for two possibilities: Jack could still be here, waiting to say goodbye, or more likely, he’d left already. Elsa tamed her bedhead, straightened her tank top, and smoothed the wrinkles out of her cotton pajama pants. _You can do this,_ she told herself, trying to prepare for either situation.

When Elsa emerged from her room, the sight that met her eyes far exceeded her expectations. She found that Jack had not only stayed, but was now engrossed in the process of cooking something that smelled bready and heavenly.

_It doesn’t smell that good,_ Elsa lectured herself. _That’s a lot of food you don’t need. Probably fat you don’t need, too._ She shuffled to a stop at the edge of the kitchen, finding that she was absentmindedly worrying the old, frayed hem of her shirt out of nervousness. She jumped a little when she realized that Jack knew she was there, as he threw a playful smirk over his shoulder at her.

“Oh, there you are. I was starting to think you might hide until I left,” he teased.

“No, I’d never.” Elsa shifted nervously from one foot to the other, then moved to the counter and began rearranging the contents of the fruit basket to busy herself. She peered up at Jack past the tendrils of hair that were beginning to make their way in front of her face. “Do you need any help?”

“I’m all set,” he told her, and as she leaned closer, Elsa could see Jack’s hands deftly flipping pancakes with a steel spatula. Rather than continuing to fidget around the kitchen, Elsa sat down on a bar stool across the island from Jack and watched him cook. After a few moments of listening to his soft humming and the clanking of utensils, she broke the silence.

“About last night, I’m—I’m sorry I fell asleep on you.” She watched as he peeked over his shoulder at her once more, and she was surprised to see that all the sarcasm in his expression had been replaced by bare honesty and openness.

“It’s really okay,” he reassured her. “I’m just glad I could help.” He turned around to join her at the counter, presenting two plates of pancakes. Each pancake had a vague resemblance to an animal, like shapes spotted during cloud-watching. “I hope you don’t mind that I welcomed myself into your kitchen.” Elsa shook her head to signify that it was alright. “And I’m sorry they’re so ugly; I wasn’t exactly prepared for pancake art today.” Elsa felt her heart flutter at Jack’s apparent shyness in his perceived shortcomings.

“They’re beautiful,” she responded, sizing up the plate and deciding what her options were. Feigning confidence, she took a hold of the knife and fork beside her and plopped a fat helping of butter on top of her breakfast. As she did, Jack rummaged in the fridge to find some syrup, plenty of which Elsa drizzled on, too. Next, as Jack sat down and dug into his stack of cakes, Elsa started her game.

“So all that you told me in your story, all that was really about your life?” As she spoke, she cut her meal into tiny pieces, a few motions at a time. As fascinating as she found Jack, this conversation had a purpose beyond getting to know each other: she needed a distraction from the food.

“Yeah, all of it. A version of it, anyway; I don’t think anyone remembers their childhood perfectly, you know?” He shoved the pancakes in his mouth, not seeming to care about the fat and sugar poisoning the spongy bread. “I mean, I’ve been through some stuff, but who hasn’t?”

“I can understand. You’re very kind, all things considered.” She paused in her cutting and lifted a bite of food halfway to her mouth, feigning losing herself in thought. “So what made you choose art as your career?” She gently placed the fork back on her plate as she awaited his answer.

“Well, when times got hard there wasn’t always a lot of fun in my life. Me and my mom didn’t have a lot of money, so we couldn’t really afford games or toys. I kind of had to deal with what I had, which was school supplies. And I mean, art is always a good escape from reality if you think about it right.”

“Wow, I can see that. For me, well, I always kind of used it as a way to get my worst thoughts down on paper in a way that made sense.” The pauses from pretending to eat were real now, as she felt herself becoming more and more involved in the conversation. She was so glad to find someone else who felt the same safety and comfort in making meaningful images.

“Yeah! That’s another thing it helps with.” He opened his mouth as if to start another sentence, but across the room, his phone vibrated so hard that Elsa feared it might detach from its charger and jump off the counter. Jack groaned. Again, it sounded, twice in a row this time. “It barely charged enough to wake up and now this?” The phone buzzed another six times, sounding agitated. “I’m so sorry, Elsa, I think I have to go.”

“Oh, okay.” Elsa felt hollow all of a sudden. “Well, I’ll see you Monday I guess.”

“I’ll see you tomorrow if I can?” This may have been intended as a statement, but the intonation of the phrase made it sound like a request.

“That would be great,” Elsa said softly, watching Jack dash out the door with his belongings, and hearing him utter one last apology for his sudden disappearance. Luna wound around Elsa’s feet, a hungry gleam in her eyes. Elsa found a pancake with only butter on it, cut a penny-sized chunk out, and fed it to Luna, who devoured the morsel ravenously. Elsa sighed, rising and taking both plates to the garbage can.

_Great job, fatass,_ she thought to herself, scraping all of Jack’s hard work into the trash. _You always manage to fuck everything up, don’t you?_


End file.
